Follow your Heart!

The wind of change has come blowing on me again. 

I haven't been a cook for a very long time, but I wanted to have a break. I used to love the rush. When I first had my restaurant job at Loondocks, I loved it. I loved the experience. I loved pushing on orders as fast as we could. I loved the calls, which was more like the yells. I loved being in a fast pace. I worked 12-15 hrs a day, but i didn't mind it. I was willing to give more of my time because i wanted to learn. When I worked at Beertown, Waterloo, I was a prep. I didn't mind prepping at all. I learned how important of a job it is in restaurants. I was  making 50L of soup, portioning hundreds of food. Cutting, slicing, dicing lots of vegetables and fruits, meats, and breads. Too much cutting that even in my dreams I am still cutting sh?t. Receiving produce, organizing fridge and freezers and dry storages. Lifting heavy loads of carrots, potatoes, boxes of breads and frozen meats (the chicken breast boxes and the veal bones were the heaviest).   All of these happens ERRDAY. It was a hard job, but i found it boring in the end. I wanted more action! I wanted more fun! I wanted to be in the rush. I wanted to work on the line. 

Opportunities came and now Im in Kelowna. I made it my goal to find a job and work on the line. GM station to be exact. I sent out applications on my first day. And right away, I got a job offer as a Line Cook for GM station from Eldorado Hotel, ranked as the top 13 best restaurant in Kelowna by Trip Advisor. I was surprised how fast i was offered the job. It felt good being in that interview. The Chefs who took a few minutes of their busy time to interview me were amazing. They loved my CV and my Cover letter. They were entertained with my story. I felt good in that interview. The only thing that i didn't like was the pay. It was a fixed rate per day which means you could be working long hours but the pay is the same. I've been through that all my work life. I never was a worker who only work just for the sake of it. I put my everything into my work. I work with passion. I give my all when i work. And because of this, I think i deserve an hourly rate. 

The 2nd day, I went in to Manteo Resort and applied in Smack Dab restaurant, which was known as Wild Apple before. I got to chat with Chef Bernard, whom I had a phone interview with 2 weeks before I came to Kelowna. This was the place I was aiming to get a job at. I was nervous during the interview, but I also had fun. It was great chatting with Kim the Manager. And like my interviews with Eldorado Chefs, Kim was interested in my life story. I felt good after the interview. It took days for me to hear from Manteo so I thought it was a no go. I started freaking out and dropped-in my resumes to all restaurants I can find in downtown Kelowna. Then one afternoon, I got a voicemail from Kim offering me the job and giving me schedules for orientation. I was jumping for joy! I couldn't wait to work on the line again. I was so excited to feel the rush again. Little did I know whatelse is going on in a busy restaurant in a hotel that handles weddings and events with a big patio. I was ready to learn though. Three days of working in the kitchen, Chef Bernard announced that he is leaving the restaurant. I was so bummed! I wanted to work with him. Three days of working with him I have learned a lot already. Then i started having second thoughts about my job. Start of June we got very busy. I started getting yelled at, and I fucked up more. I know there are so many things I have to learn about. Working with the top cooks and Chefs in Canada is like all the mistakes that you are about to make is already thrown on your face. How could you not learn from that? I have been working in Smack Dab for almost 2 months now. I have learned so much in 1½ months than in the last 11 months working in the kitchen. But I guess getting yelled at in front of everyone in the kitchen makes me want to quit this job. I am the only person with least experience in that kitchen. Having less than a year experience and working with Chefs and Cooks with more than 10 years experience, of course Im always the one whom they wont trust. Im always the one to fuck up on things. I want to learn but getting yelled at only makes me do more mistakes. Im starting to have doubts now in whatever I do. I don't have confidence anymore. I am not happy anymore. Im nervous and stressed out before i go to work. Im even more stressed out when Im in the kitchen. 

I had to stop and put my thinking hat on. One thing I wanted to happen in Kelowna is CHANGE. Rejuvenate myself and become a happier and positive person. Its time to weigh the PROS and CONS. When i arrived here in mid April, I was amazed how gorgeous Kelowna is. Mountains are walling in the city. The Okanagan lake stretches out 60 miles from Penticton to Spallumcheen. The lake is said to be warm and fun in the summer. I remember telling myself, "this is a perfect place for Change". The sun, the water, good friends, loving and sexy boyfriend, a relaxing apartment by the river and outdoor activities, Whatelse can I ask for? Then I thought, i have to change my job. I want to be out in the sun this summer. I thought of working at the vineyard. I got friends who can hook me up with a job. On my 29th birthday, I tried working at Summerhill. And I loved it!  The sun, the view, the lunch break overlooking lake Okanagan and West Kelowna, afternoons off, and working with friends. This is it. This is what I want. I can get use to this. Its hard work. But I'd rather have hard job than a stressful job.

I decided to change and turn things around. Im quitting my job. Its not that i haven't done this before, but I always find it hard to speak out in quitting. Yesterday I gave my two weeks notice, but I have to do it again today. I just want to get it over with. It was hard because money is better as a cook. But I can work things out when it comes to money. I have to follow my heart! And my heart is telling me to quit! I felt a load off already when I gave my two weeks notice last night. It will get the rest of the loads off my chest once i speak to the exec Chef tonight. 

I have two more weeks and im finally DONE! But i am happy! I am happy I made the decision! Im pretty sure I'll have ups and downs with my chosen jobs but I will manage! Because there is nothing to complain about now. I did what i want and what makes me happy!