Fuck the rules! They dont really matter when you're in the real world.
Im furious to even think about it! It gets me right in the ass to think about what Im taught about! Dont FUCK someone if you haven't tied the knots yet! What the hell is that? That's not how it is out here! I mean, come on! How do I know they haven't eaten what they're teaching? Remeniscing those classes I've had in college, the words i hear from the folks, it is so clear in my head now. Its in every corner of my head.I want to punch those fucking assholes right in the face for teaching me what doesn't exist in the real world! For all I know they dont have the lessons they themselves are teaching.
I feel the rage inside! Im dilirious right now! Nobody told me how LIFE really is. Its a shame to follow what seemed to be right. Right now, I feel such an idiot believing life is lived that way. It runs in my veins now. It made me such a scarty-cat and ignorant of the basic human need. I thought I know. I hate it that no one ever gotten intouched with me. After all those high-school and college years, no one told me about it. I would have known what to do now. I wouldn't have been confused. No one's ever told me about it. None of my parents mentioned about it. I mean, ofcourse they've told me the whole "tie-the-knots-first" and i know now that its not just about it. I didn't even have the hint of my friends gotten laid already. I mean, it was a slap on my face. After all the confusions and the pressure and the skyrocketting thoughts of conscience before gotten laid for the first time, it was just me. It was me all along. It wasn't what I really thought it was. The pretentious aura, the phony tales. I was so stupid to believe what's on the surface. It made me realize that things aren't really what I thought they are. That there's more than just what the eye can see.
But I've lived all my years, since life started to makes sense, with what I believe is right. Its hard to get it out of my system now. Its fucking hard to deal with it. And to "When" and "How" im going to snap out of it? Who the hell knows?
Im waiting for the time where I can just let myself go with the rythm. I cant wait for that time when I will just stop thinking, keep drinking, and start fucking. LOL. What a funny thing to say when you're all furious about it.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Am I a Free Spirit?
If there's someone I could tell my stories to, I wouldn't know where to start and I dont know whom to share it to.
Life has been distinctively lived in this side of the world. It did changed me a lot, but it doesn't mean there's nothing left of what i grew up with inside me. It's still in here, somewhere inside, wanting to come out. Everything around me is too diverse from what I beleived in. Looking at myself right now, Im lost. I lost myself in this world. There's too many choices and life is too loose. No limits. No right way. Life is good when you lived it the way you wanted it to. If you are happy about certain things, no one and nothing can hold you. No strings would tie you to take a grab of it. "Whatever makes you happy, go for it" - this keeps on reverberating in my mind. Its hard to keep this words in the surface of your head if you are used to do things with limits. The "LIMITS" have taught me to value things that I NEED than the things that i WANT. In contrary to what's around me and this point of my life now, Im totally lost. I dont know what matters to me now- Is it to see myself as a free spirit? Or someone that has been cast into this diverse world with responsibilities for her old life. My responisibilities of that so-called life, have brought me here. And to where "here" is, I discovered chances of life as vast as an ocean, ways of life I never thought it could be real. But Im still lost, should I go be a free spirit? Or should I let it pass me by, wishing that it wasn't the right thing and the right time.
Life has been distinctively lived in this side of the world. It did changed me a lot, but it doesn't mean there's nothing left of what i grew up with inside me. It's still in here, somewhere inside, wanting to come out. Everything around me is too diverse from what I beleived in. Looking at myself right now, Im lost. I lost myself in this world. There's too many choices and life is too loose. No limits. No right way. Life is good when you lived it the way you wanted it to. If you are happy about certain things, no one and nothing can hold you. No strings would tie you to take a grab of it. "Whatever makes you happy, go for it" - this keeps on reverberating in my mind. Its hard to keep this words in the surface of your head if you are used to do things with limits. The "LIMITS" have taught me to value things that I NEED than the things that i WANT. In contrary to what's around me and this point of my life now, Im totally lost. I dont know what matters to me now- Is it to see myself as a free spirit? Or someone that has been cast into this diverse world with responsibilities for her old life. My responisibilities of that so-called life, have brought me here. And to where "here" is, I discovered chances of life as vast as an ocean, ways of life I never thought it could be real. But Im still lost, should I go be a free spirit? Or should I let it pass me by, wishing that it wasn't the right thing and the right time.
Hockey
This is the first hockey game i have watched. It was FUN! I think what made it more fun is the fact that there are a LOT OF guys in the stadium and that they are gorgeous! HEHE!! That's all i can think about these days..
Friday, January 11, 2008
Trying this out
Every site is always cool in their own ways.. Im going to check how cool this one really is. My friend Chloe sent me her link with her photos here and i find it cool letting people know ur whereabouts (hehe) with cool pics you cant stop sharing!@",)*
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